Goodbyes and Hope
Nothing that is worth
doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope.
Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in an immediate
context of history, therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however
virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love.
- Reinhold
Niebuhr, 1952
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| Our current little missionary community :) (Anna, Ally, Olivia, Me, Emily) |
As I was
reading “The Road to Character” by David Brooks, I came across this quote, and
it resonated with me and something of my experience lately. If I replace
“lifetime” with my lifetime at the Finca and my “immediate context” with this
time at the Finca, I can recognize all the ways that I need to let hope, faith
and love save me.
An incident
recently challenged my ability to hope. Reina and Pedro, beloved blood brother
and sister (to each other, not to me ;) have lived at the Finca for over 10
years. They are kids who can talk for hours. Pedro will go on about wildlife or
Honduran culture, politics and soccer teams. Reina shares about her family,
school projects or plans for the future. They have been in the process to be
reintegrated with their mother for quite a while. Finally, the Honduran
governmental organization that oversees our children’s home approved the
reintegration and mandated that they leave the Finca in a few days. The kids
and all of us were told they would leave the following day. The Finca is the
only home they’ve really ever really known except for the short family visits
they have every several months.
Reina and
Pedro took the news like champs, though they were naturally experiencing a
mixture of emotions at the joy of going to be with their family and a sadness
at leaving the Finca which has become a family to them. I drove Pedro with his
suitcase from his house to the office and before we left, he said goodbye to
his house parents and got into the car to leave. He was totally composed as he
hugged his house parents goodbye, but when he jumped into the car and shut the
door, he broke down – overcome by the genuine heartfelt sorrow of leaving home.
He’ll certainly return to visit, just like so many of our other kids who have
left the Finca, but he’ll never be part of the Finca community in exactly the
same way again. We had a beautiful goodbye celebration, as we have had with so
many children, staff or missionaries/mission groups. Reina and Pedro expressed
their gratitude to God for bringing them to the Finca and gratitude to everyone
here who has influenced their lives. It was beautiful to here one of the
younger girls, express to Reina through tears, “Thank you for being my sister.”
House parents praised and thanked the kids for the ways that they genuinely
cared for them and sought to respect them. There were lots of tears. There
always are at despedidas.
We live in
such transition here at the Finca. Staff comes and go; missionaries come and
go; kids leave and then come back to visit; chickens are slaughtered and eaten
and new little pollitos are born… It is
sometimes very hard to let go. I did not want to let go of these wonderful
kids. I felt like they were thriving here, that there was more to be done in
their lives. I do need hope. I can look at this situation believing that it is
the Finca which will “save” these kids, grant them success and a full future.
And yes, I do think the Finca has played a large role in these kids’ lives. Who
knows who or where they would be if it were not for the opportunities the Finca
has provided them to get an education and a stable and loving home environment.
I don’t totally know what they have stepped into in their new home. I’m
learning a bit about trust here. There is so much that is out of my control and
that I may disagree with or not understand. I can stay in contact with Reina
and Pedro from afar, but their chapter in my Finca “lifetime” is over. In all
of the transitions of people coming and going from the Finca, I must have hope
that there is a God who is stable, God who does not leave me and who also
accompanies my friends as they move onto new things.
The last
part of the quote that nothing can be done alone is also incredibly relevant to
my life here. Never have I lived in such an integrated community. It is
sometimes so aggravating to have SUCH an integrated life. There are many times
when I don’t want to communicate with 7 different people to coordinate an
event. Sometimes I think it would be easier “to punch out” of work at a
hospital and go home to my personal life rather than get interrupted just
before sitting down to attend to someone who got into a minor motorcycle
accident. But how beautiful it can be when the security guard comes by the
clinic because he happens to know the man who got in the accident and we get to
share stories and laugh together.
I
absolutely loathe going to 5:45am morning prayer sometimes, but then I
encounter one of our 14 year old girls, Rita, on the way and she shares a funny
dream she dreamt the night before or I see one of our house parents and they
tell me about their child’s health problem and I remember that it is a gift to
live in community where we truly share life together.
For about
the past six months, I have had a remarkable number of people approach me in
the clinic or in my visits to Mojaguay, the village outside the Finca about
their inability to provide food for their families. Maybe they have work, but
it just isn’t enough to provide for their basic needs, or maybe they just can’t
find a job – either way, they genuinely need help. At first, I was trying to
help them by myself – just a little here and there. It felt pretty good to be
able to help. But then, it started to get overwhelming; there was so much need.
I couldn’t fill it, and it started to weigh on me. The Finca has beautifully
responded to provide food for certain families every month. Some food distribution
has always been done but never quite on this level. The situation in Honduras is
(I feel) reaching breaking point. Externally, it is pretty clear how many
difficulties there are for the average Honduran right now. There’s government
corruption which leads to lapses in public healthcare and education and mines
that threaten to take over clean water supply. There is rampant dengue across
the whole country. There are not enough jobs or the jobs do not pay enough. Oh
so many difficulties! Being surrounded by so much need can truly be wearying. I
am right now in the process of learning how to respond – how to love. Of
course, this process of learning how to love never ends, but I do hope to grow!
As I recognize my own huge need for God, I hope to grow little by little in
compassion for my brothers and sisters. We really do need each other, and we
are saved by one another. Never have I been more certain of that! Please pray
for the people of this country – do some research; read some articles to focus
your prayer!
Here is one
to start:
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