'Twas the night before mission

It is the night before I set out for the Finca for round two. There are quite a few thoughts buzzing around my head. I've gone back to the initial call during my time at home. What was God speaking to me? And  what was He inviting me into? Quite simply, He called me to trust Him. Could I go to an unknown place and begin a new job and speak a new language in order to spread the love of Jesus Christ? Turns out, absolutely not! I cannot. I guess that's the main thing I've learned so far. I reach the end of my capacity pretty quick. However, over my time at home, I have had all the time in the world to think and to pray. I have been so focused on my own incapacity at the Finca, letting it weigh me down. God's very simple message to me over this break with family is that life is so much simpler than I want to make it.

God loves me. He delights in me.

It's that simple. It seems silly to write it down like this. But it's not silly; it's incredibly important. Being loved MUST be the source of any work I do. God loves me through my parents, my sisters, my brothers, brothers-in-law, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews, incredible friends. He loves me in quiet times and loud times. He loves me when I speak and when I'm silent. He loves me if I'm productive. He loves me if I'm lazy. He loves me when I'm on a boat...He loves me enjoying a root beer float! (Sorry, getting a little carried away..delving into Dr. Seuss...yikes!) This is really amazing stuff though that I think everyone needs to be reminded of - often! So, here I go back to Honduras to delve deeper into this truth, to let it change me and my actions at the Finca.  I am filled with hope for the many unknowns of our life at the Finca, even though I definitely still question myself. My prayer is that God will give me deeper trust more in His abilities - His power, generosity, His knowledge of me, His delight in me, and His ability to bring about MORE. 

Four of the missionaries with whom I started this journey back in Guatemala are not returning for a variety of reasons. All of them have taken the decision to prayer and are being called in different directions. This is tough, but I am blessed to know the path in front of me - though I have absolutely no idea where it might lead and can only see an inch. The Lord has so much more work to do in and through me at the Finca. So I go back striving to trust that the Lord is going to bring to completion the good work He has started. Our new community of seven will have new and extra roles which is both scary and exciting. I  believe that the newness could be a great blessing. Please pray for us as we begin again in this mission and strive to trust.

One last hopeful tidbit, I mentioned to my dear friend, Catherine that it feels a bit like I'm walking into lions jaws - there's just so much intimidating unknown, what seems like a lot of labor and death to self stretched out before me - even though I know that this is right and I truly desire to return. She reminded me that lions do not only have jaws, but also a large, thick, warm, cuddly mane and a little velvety nose! How right she is as I think upon all the tender moments I've experienced at the Finca and look forward with hope to all of them to come! God is so good and faithful. 

It is apt that the gospel for today is about the Lord calming the sea..."Quiet! Be still" He says. Then, "the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." I have so much hope that Jesus will do that in my life at the Finca...over and over again.